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Chronic....
Dec. 10th, 2018 10:50 amI've been thinking about my chronic pain today, and I fell down the fibro/chronic fatique rabbit hole. I don't know why I bother-- neither of those conditions apply to me. I don't have the "classic symptoms" that are described for diagnosis. My pain is clearly only in my hands and feet-- although, my fatigue is constant.
I've been trying to remember a time when I wasn't always tired. And I can't really remember one. I mean, in college, I could fall asleep ANYWHERE, at any time. In hs, I was also constantly tired at school, and would frequently fall asleep in class. I don't have narcolepsy, I'm just TIRED.
I tried to remember the last time I woke up refreshed, and not feeling like I needed another 4 hours of sleep. It does happen, rarely-- maybe twice a month? and I've usually gotten more than 10 hours of sleep. My body pre-set is about 10 hours. So when I slept for 14 hours? I felt refreshed!! But that can't possibly be normal, can it? I mean... it seems highly irregular that a person would need to sleep for 14 hours to feel AWAKE. Additionally-- I'm greatly affected by the sun. If the sun is shining, I'm much more likely to feel good. I know that's how everyone probably is, but it's palpable for me. If the sun is shining, I'm a different person. Is that just a factor of my depression?
What makes me so content to lay in bed all day, staring at the gray sky and trees outside? How is that level of (what some could consider) melancholy even possible??? Something must be wrong with me, right?
I feel like I do everything I can to have a good outlook. I do the same bedtime/wake time every day. I take my meds. I eat vegetables. I take vitamins. I shower almost every day. I get properly dressed when I leave the house. I fake it til I make it in my interactions with other people-- although, I'm usually genuinely happy to speak with other people.
Am I missing something?
I've been trying to remember a time when I wasn't always tired. And I can't really remember one. I mean, in college, I could fall asleep ANYWHERE, at any time. In hs, I was also constantly tired at school, and would frequently fall asleep in class. I don't have narcolepsy, I'm just TIRED.
I tried to remember the last time I woke up refreshed, and not feeling like I needed another 4 hours of sleep. It does happen, rarely-- maybe twice a month? and I've usually gotten more than 10 hours of sleep. My body pre-set is about 10 hours. So when I slept for 14 hours? I felt refreshed!! But that can't possibly be normal, can it? I mean... it seems highly irregular that a person would need to sleep for 14 hours to feel AWAKE. Additionally-- I'm greatly affected by the sun. If the sun is shining, I'm much more likely to feel good. I know that's how everyone probably is, but it's palpable for me. If the sun is shining, I'm a different person. Is that just a factor of my depression?
What makes me so content to lay in bed all day, staring at the gray sky and trees outside? How is that level of (what some could consider) melancholy even possible??? Something must be wrong with me, right?
I feel like I do everything I can to have a good outlook. I do the same bedtime/wake time every day. I take my meds. I eat vegetables. I take vitamins. I shower almost every day. I get properly dressed when I leave the house. I fake it til I make it in my interactions with other people-- although, I'm usually genuinely happy to speak with other people.
Am I missing something?